And btw, planes don’t always leave or arrive on time. She came to visit me and spent TWO HOURS in the bathroom every morning. Do you really need to be at the restaurant on time? It’s probably not the first time he’s pulled this crap and it certainly won’t be the last because a man who doesn’t respect your time doesn’t respect you. No neurosis. But that means not only do I understand your anxieties and needs, but I understand the anxiety and needs of other people. He’s been that way his entire life. Oh, and I also thought he was fantastic but then I met another fantastic guy who was always on time. Probably not. Travel: the ultimate acid test of a relationship! I myself am tuned like clockwork. In the day and age of texting, where it takes an extremely low amount of effort to check in to give a heads up, this is very unacceptable treatment. The Real Reason Some of Us Are Chronically Late Being late is stressful, but for many, it beats the alternative. Worked pretty well, but it’s a little ridiculous having to manipulate a grown man just to get somewhere on time. BUT, I have arrived 90 minutes late to a double-date dinner. Her family joked that she ran on her own schedule, which just happens to be 15 minutes later than everyone else’s. Others it doesn’t bother as much and so we continue. He Seeks Out Your Opinion It's great to attend parties and get-togethers as a couple -- and making time in your busy schedule for date night is always a good thing. I don’t think people always mean that others are doing it purposefully (though sometimes they are because there are jerks of all stripes). Ultimately, this is about one thing and one thing only: how much this bothers you. You don’t even know me but you are ready to cast all kinds of judgements on me. Dump this guy immediately. When he calls or texts ” I ‘m here” text back back ” Oh, I decided to go shopping and run errands, I’ll get there as soon as I can. Placeholders.enable(); ‘No good reason’ guy might be a jerk. The dating coach’s wife, like your boyfriend, was habitually late. Then he’ll get the idea that it is no fun to wait. I would read, workout etc and be the one that was 15-30 minutes late. If he only texts you late at night out of the blue; if he is only texting you when he is drunk (alcohol gives him the strength to ask things that he would never do sober), he is just using the fact that you have the hots for him or even feelings for him. Wait 30 minutes WITH a … There was one time when a friend asked me to drive him to an airport to catch a plane 6 hours away. Time is the most precious commodity there is, because it’s the one thing in life you can never get more of. Ok, i totally get it. While I get being annoyed by hibitual lateness, I feel some are taking it too personally. The last straw was when he asked me to leave early from work to go to his sister’s birthday party so we won’t hit the traffic but he was late 2 hours and it took us 2.5 hours to get to the place instead of an hour if we left early. That means employing your own time management strategies. You’re not going to change the way his brain is wired and you’ll waste a lot of energy doing so. Actually I don’t think he overlooks the flaw, he is looking at it straight in the face and can deal with it because it remains below a tolerable threshold. He famously showed up several hours late to a birthday party once when he was bringing the cake, as his friends  complained to  me while teasing him about the issue. It’s not hard. Case closed. Leave them. I don’t really know. My point was you seemed to suggest your lateness should always be accepted. It wasn’t a problem for either of us. You have to know what you can handle and what you can’t handle. You don’t want to be told that you’re doing anything wrong. © 2020 Dating Coach – Evan Marc Katz | Understand Men. In the end, it’s up to you to figure out if your partner’s behavior is something you can deal with or if it is, in fact, a deal-breaker. You need to accept him as he is, knowing that he will not likely compromise and know if you are okay with that or not and I do not think that you are. It sounds like your date went well and that he enjoyed your company, but for some reason he decided he wasn’t interested in a second date. She really hit the nail on the head right there, didn't she? It’s just how she rolls. is_redirect && ! These things all exist on a spectrum and I think it’s become very easy for you to judge here simply because someone has not performed as perfectly as you wanted them to. See you in a bit,” and just show up when you decide to show up. Of course, it works better when I have my computer or a book with me, or some kind of little chores to do. Sometimes before leaving for somewhere, I have this burning need to accomplish x, y and z before I can feel like I can go and feel relaxed and have fun. This is going to show up elsewhere in the relationship.". This is about control, it’s “i am so much more important, please kindly arrange your life around my schedule and sit around and wait for me to show up” – whether it is conscious or unconscious. Reply Might also get sued. Give him 15 minutes and if he doesn’t show up by then, leave. But that wasn’t my point. Live deals? The disrespect of another person’s time is quite difficult to live with long term, especially with children. If the doors shut at 9, I’ll tell  him  they shut  at  8:30. Sign up for this free email training and I’ll tell you the 8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships so you never end up feeling this way again. This sounds like a take it case-by-case issue. He’ll either break up with her for not ever getting to go on dates with her or he’ll start showing up on time. Then that’s showing that you don’t respect your friend’s needs at all. That’s selfish. Skip The Small Talk. Evan said it – get a book,play phone games,do something with this time.. and   open your mind and Understand him a bit more. A survival guide for anyone who's been cheated on, 8 Key Signs That Your Man Is Emotionally Unavailable. And there’s always that part halfway through the date where they look at each other, and you know they are both so down. How long do you wait before throwing in the towel? I’d cut loose this guy probably after his second lateness. I can tell he’s really nervous when he gets to my house because he’s worried about me being mad. Nobody was phased. Telling me I’m selfish isn’t rude? [gravityform id="10" title="false" description="false"],

While I get being annoyed by hibitual lateness, and not being able to put up with it ( I personally can’t stand loud eaters or soup sleepers even if they are super great guys), I feel some are taking it too personally. While she’d protest that she never missed a flight in her 16 years of international travel, it still didn’t make her boyfriend feel any better while he was stuck waiting for 30 minutes as she curled her hair before a date. If I had to work that hard for every appointment, I’d just give up on making appointments all together. I get that. It’s not going to get better, it will only get worse and you will resent him big time in the future. Finally told him that in the future, if he were more than 10 minutes late, I simply wouldn’t be there, whether I was simmering just behind the door or not. As cute as it might seem that he’s thinking about you at 1 a.m. on a Saturday night after he’s left the bar with his buddies and wants to see you last minute, it’s not cute at all. One study found that if a man initiates contact with you based on the goal of a “booty call” then he’s not really interested or invested in creating a meaningful relationship . But more importantly I’ve learned how to manage my own time in a way so his lateness barely affects me. I dated a girl who was perpetually late. It should bother you that someone is having to wait for you. The fact that my less than perfect qualities personally bothers you, doesn’t mean I deserve to be negatively labeled by you and your judgements. I mean, if you can’t be counted on to do something as simple as showing up on time for dinner every once in a while, how am I going to trust you as a partner in life with something more complex or difficult? I am perpetually early,so to me on time is late :). I asked him why he’s late all the time. No one takes it personally or believes anyone is trying to hurt or disrespect anyone. People’s issues exist on a spectrum and so does people’s tolerance for said issues. I made those meetings pretty well ~~ a 99% attendance over 4 years ~~ but it would take me an entire week to work myself up to getting there on time. If you know that your boyfriend is always late, that he isn't likely to change, and that you value your relationship too much to leave him over it, then you need to accept that he is habitually late and stop expecting him to be on time. The early arrival is when nothing actually consumed my buffer. I spoke with a male friend about this and he said that if I was a business transaction and had money for him he probably wouldn’t be late. What makes you so special? We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. It’s not all about looks: Nothing to talk about was the main one. But the other person may need to be somewhere for a certain time, or had to rush, or had to cut short a meeting, or just generally feels less anxious herself when things are on time. And while yes that makes it far less about intentionally hurting others it does mean that such an attitude comes with a sense of “my crap is more important than your crap”. Everyone has different boundaries on this topic. You’re not a late night option and you’re certainly not … I have been dating a guy for 9 weeks and we’ve been exclusive now for 2. And it’s one thing to say, “hey, I can’t deal with this” (legitimate),   vs all the comments so forth made where you are trying to tell people who they are simply because they have a behavior you don’t personally like. Boyfriend is always late and I'm frustrated; Boyfriend is always late and I'm frustrated. No, not everything started “in the office” can be delayed. He always tells me when he’s  going to arrive, which is almost always wrong, then he texts or calls me again when he actually leaves his house, which gives me a realistic 20-30 minute window to jump into action and get ready. “They could build monuments to your self-centeredness”.